Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
