I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
