Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
