OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
