How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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