I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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