you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
