My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
