Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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