he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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