I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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