and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
well most of my day revolves around power hour
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Randomize
