i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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