Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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