He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
