I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
