xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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