batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
