So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
