Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
