i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just found a bag of teeth...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
