Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
