garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
