i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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