4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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