she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
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Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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