I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
