Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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