you win again, gameday.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
