is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
