Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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