OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
