I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
