Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
