I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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