I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
