how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
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I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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