It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
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