I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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