that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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