You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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