I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
