Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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