I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
