After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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