Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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