We're facebook friends in real life
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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