This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
