I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
