I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
