and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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