you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
