My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
