Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
