some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
