I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
