My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
