i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
