All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
