im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
