what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
