So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
