3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
