guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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