he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
