They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
True college students do jello shots in the library
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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