my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize