Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Fuck appropriateness.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
