just come out here and I will go home with you...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
