I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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